Laptop from Hell: Caroline Nicole Biden

Welcome back to Hunter’s Laptop from Hell. In this episode, we take a look at the relationship between Hunter and his niece/cousin, Caroline Nicole Biden.

If you search their names together you’ll see Caroline referred to as both Hunter’s niece and cousin, depending on the source. She calls him her uncle in the text messages, but then they also talk about being cousins. Given their age difference (Hunter was born in 1970 and Caroline in 1987), we’ll just call them uncle and niece here for the sake of simplicity.

Damaged Goods

Most people probably already know about Hunter Biden’s romantic relationship with his brother’s widow, Hallie Biden. What many don’t know is that as that relationship circled the drain and turned Hunter into a weeping mess, there was really only one family member who seemed to be there for him.

While many of his other family members were using him as an ATM machine, Caroline honestly cared about how he was feeling and is even on record rejecting an offer of money from him.

The two share a common bond as self-proclaimed mentally disturbed black sheep.

Caroline hates Hallie Biden and wanted her uncle to move on from her. She once texted Hunter that Hallie “is a vampire” who “sucks at sex.”

In short, Caroline Nicole Biden seems like a pretty cool, albeit crazy, person. All of Hunter’s possible crimes aside, it’s really good that these too had each other to lean on for emotional support.

That being said, this is still Hunter Biden we’re talking about here. As I read through their text messages, I can’t help but wonder if their relationship was strictly platonic or not.

Just Friends or Something More?

“Together” could mean anything here. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be hanging out with each other, for instance. It’s the “And I left it at ‘yep he loves me and I love him'” that strikes me as noteworthy. When someone says “I left it at…”, it implies something being left out.

This bit really narrows it down to two possibilities. Either they’re not allowed to be around each other or there’s something going on here. There is a certain amount of sneakiness going into whatever they’re doing, whether that’s having a romantic/sexual relationship or just hanging out in general.

Hunter calls her “sweetheart” and “baby” and that’s not even the weirdest part.

“I am (already) sick of you you little shit but its a good sick” is flirtatious. It’s something you’d say to someone who drives you crazy, but in a good way.

Here we have Caroline and Hunter talking about moving in together. Maybe they’re just really close and if so, then that’s great.

Unfortunately, there’s not much text messaging between the two after this point. That covers it for the portions that seem a little bit odd. I want to include some lighthearted stuff to wrap this up, though.

Hunter Wants a Girlfriend

This conversation took place well after the above conversations. The following screenshots show Hunter and Caroline’s private text message conversation that they’re having at the same time that they are also in a group text (not pictured) wherein Caroline is trying to set Hunter up with one of her friends. So we’re seeing Caroline coaching Hunter through the group text conversation that we can’t see.

There isn’t anything scandalous or earth-shattering in this conversation. I just think it’s funny how she’s berating him for blowing it with this other woman.

I love that she called him out for being too cocky. This dude only has one move when it comes to hitting on women: talking about how good-looking he thinks he is or about how big his dick apparently is.

Of course that does kind of throw a wrench into the Hunter Biden/Caroline Nicole Biden lover theory, as he doesn’t really play those cards with her.

Typical Hunter

We’ll wrap it up with this one.

This happens a lot in the conversations that Hunter has with people. Someone will be pouring their heart out or desperately trying to get his attention and he’ll just ignore all of it. The only reason he even responded at all right here is to find out Hallie Biden’s Instagram account name.